I have become dead
"Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds." - Oppenheimer quoting the Bhagavad Gita
As of now, I am dead. I hope that someday I will become alive. I say that I am dead for two reasons. First, I am tired of my life and the "monotonous" actions I take. Secondly, I haven't found any purpose.
As everyone knows, life has no purpose. However, as of now, I also have no purpose for myself, so my life is comparable to one of those video game characters wandering through a crowd in some raining sci-fi dystopian scene; I'm just another wandering NPC to myself in comparison to others.
Acknowledging the contrary, almost no one has found their purpose in life this early. I have some values and things I enjoy, yet overall, my life can be represented as
A balloon with a fragmentation missile (frag grenade) exploding inside of it.
There's so many things I could be. There's only one route I can take, and I can try to combine all of my passions, yet every now and then, I'll want to pursue a very "sidetracked" passion in this ever modernizing world.
And no one knows who they're going to be. As I (and my friends) live through the advent of new Artificial Technologies that have the power to easily put us all out of work to say the least, who knows what's going to happen?
And yet I still worry about the future, and in some sense I am 'addicted' to planning it out life caffeine is to humans - it's not an addictive drug per se, but it functions just like one.